Sometimes when I first wake up, those first few seconds between dreaming and awake, I forget…I completely forget that my mom is gone.

Then the realization comes, as it always does, that it really has been 15 months since she’s gone…15 months of learning to live in this world without my mother, 15 months of adjusting to the “new normal” that is my life, of being a motherless daughter.

The first few months, I thought the grief would swallow me hole, that I would drown in my loss, that I would never find my way through this.

And somehow, just like everyone said, the days became less foggy and I am not just getting one foot in front of the other – I am becoming Stacey again. The tides are calm and the waves less frequent.

But sometimes,  the tide can roll in unexpectedly and the waves crash down, knocking me right on my ass.  It is High Tide today.  

I am a motherless daughter.